Hello Friday Five

  • My grandfather passed on Sunday. I still don’t know how to feel. Mostly I avoid the glowing tributes posted on his Facebook wall and ponder two important lessons he taught me: 1. Be honest in all your dealings or they will come back to you during a time when you have no control or ability to right them. 2. We are all very, very human. Complicated, messy, scared and human.
  • Work continues to be the bright spot of my week. Hooray! 
  • My lockjaw situation has not improved. I started icing/heating it and doing exercises but haven’t seen any results. Dear mouth, I don’t appreciate the fact that I can only open you 2 inches wide. Get your shit together so I can eat and yawn like a normal person.
  • I’ve had two obsessions lately - knitting and sex workers. I’ve been researching the history and art of knitting and planning my next projects while reading blogs written by intelligent, feminist, beautiful women who work in an alternative and stigmatized field. Why these two subjects, you ask? Knitting is directly related to my need to craft and create. Sex work, strippers, pole arts, etc. is more complicated. I grew up Mormon and disconnected from sexuality and feminine strength. It’s been a long, 7yr process of acceptance and exploration of what it means to be an expressive and empowered woman (I learned a lot from Beyonce) and I’m still figuring it out. I read the words of these women and I understand them, even relate to them. This is probably a topic for a longer post, moving on.
  • I love my cats, Hall & Oates, but they have been assholes all week. Every morning around 5am they decide it is playtime and race through the house, jump on the bed attacking legs and feet, whatever poses a potential threat. I shut the bedroom door to keep them out but then they scratch at the crack in the door and I feel claustrophobic, trapped in my own room. Anyone have advice on how to calm them down?

Hello Lockjaw

I’ve had TMJ (Temporomandibular joint dysfunction) since I can remember. The amount of popping my jaw does is obscene and every once in a while it will feel a bit achy or out of whack.

Mostly it has never been a problem, only an annoyance one gets used to, until last night when my jaw decided that it would protest the normal range of motion during a delicious plate of chicken shawarma. Is this what getting old means? Probably.

The frozen state continues today. It doesn’t hurt (a bit sore) but I can only get it open about 2 fingers wide. I don’t have insurance right now so a specialist is out of the question. The Internet told me I should do some exercises to get my jaw back in fighting form, guess I’ll give those a shot and hope for the best.

fernweh [feyrn-vey]

(noun) This wonderful, untranslatable German word describes the feeling of homesickness for a far away land, a place you have never visited. Do not confuse this with the english word, wanderlust; Fernweh is much more profound, it is the feeling of an unsatisfied urge to escape and discover new places, almost a sort of sadness. You miss a place you have never experienced, as opposed to lusting over it or desiring it like wanderlust. You are seeking freedom and self-discovery, but not a particular home.   (via mirroir)